In Memoriam: The Greatest Warrior That Ever Lived

I came home and rushed to the door. As it opened, I saw her lying on that familiar bed. Alive, still breathing. She looked like her 'normal' self. The 'fit' version of her since the distressing event years ago. I took her hands and held them. Her left hand squeezed my hand tight. Then slowly I helped her get up and aided her as she gathered all her might to take a couple of steps. She was smiling, laughing even while looking at me. Afterwards, she uttered a word or two. But I could not remember what it was. I walked further with her out of the door towards the street and she was so delighted to see the world once more.

But then I woke up. It was all just a dream.

She is gone. And I can go on crying myself to sleep every time but she is never coming back.

Day and night, I never stopped hoping for a miracle. But it never came. But then again, perhaps some miracles come in other forms, clothed not with what we hoped them to be. I confess, that is something I need yet to understand.

She was the toughest warrior I have ever known. In this lifetime, no one will ever be stronger than her. But even the greatest warriors need to rest. So I choose to hold on to the memory of her dancing cha-cha in the middle of our living room, of her singing karaoke songs and laughing at herself for not being able to keep up with the beat or hitting the right tune, of her walking around on her best-loved clothes, of her going up the stage with me and putting medals around my neck. Because I know it was on those moments that she was at her happiest. At her proudest. At her freest.

I will miss you, Mama. You have fought a good fight. There is not enough words to describe the grief I am feeling of not having you around anymore, of not being able to hold nor to kiss you any longer. But I take comfort in the fact that you are in a better place now, where there is no more pain and no more suffering. Where you can walk, talk, laugh, dance, and sing once again to your heart's content. As your favorite song goes, I imagine you now on the top of the world, looking down on creation.

This is not goodbye. I am bad at it anyway. I shall see you again one day. I love you, Ma. Palangga kaayo taka. Salamat sa tanan.

On the elections

So the senatorial elections from my country has just recently concluded. Since the campaign period till post-election day, several criticisms and black propaganda were fired against the running politicians in all mediums of communication possible. One of whom that particularly caught my attention was a female hopeful, who is supposed to be a daughter of a so-called "trash politician" who served her father's office as an OJT for 20 years and who, as of press time, might have already been officially-declared as one of the new senators. Several stones have been casted upon her and I couldn't help but also give my take on the issue.
Come on, people. Cut her some slack. Give her a break already. Whether we like it or not, she will be one of those who shall be serving the nation in the next six years. It may be too ambitious of her to have ran for senator right away without having any political experience at all, but hey, it is in fact in our law that anybody has the right to run for office given that they meet the requirements, though sadly, political experience is not one of them. But then again, being experienced doesn't necessarily mean being a cleaner, lesser evil, right? Don't get me wrong. I myself, did not vote for her (yep, proud absentee voter here). Not because of her skin color nor of her stained family name, but because I believe that there are far better candidates than her who in my opinion, can do the job better.

Don't blame it on the party that supposedly convinced her to run in the first place. Don't blame it on the computer/internet illiterates who sold their votes in order to have meager amount of money to fill their hungry stomachs. But rather, blame it on those who knew better but have chosen not to vote and instead strolled around the mall or busied themselves crushing candies; because they were too impatient to fall in line at the voting precincts or because their votes were too precious that they believe nobody deserved them. Statistics says that majority of the voting population belong to the lower class, meaning those people who do not know what Twitter or Facebook is or even the internet for that matter. So all those tirades posted on social networks were actually just useless. It would have been wiser if one had gone out of his way to keep the uninformed informed. 'Coz we know better. Most importantly, it would have been helpful if all of the middle and/or upper class population exercised their right to suffrage. 'Coz we know better. It could have, though not necessarily, changed the results of the election. Cliche as it may sound, but it is true, a single vote makes all the difference. Your favorite candidate may have won. And your candidate may eventually be the one who can stir change for the better. Domino effect. 

Easy for me to say, you may think. But if we continue doing nothing, not making our votes count come every election time, then we also denounce our right to complain as politics gets dirtier and as the country's situation becomes more rotten than it already is. Like I've said, domino effect.
Right now it is not about wait and see what the newly-elected officials can do for us during their term. It is about what we can do ourselves as citizens of the country. As for this female senator I was talking about, I hope she can prove all of us wrong. If not, there is still the next election. By that time, I hope and pray that all voters will be wiser and more vigilant. It's about time. No, scratch that- it's been long overdue. We all want and deserve a better Philippines, don't we?

Another disappointing and hurtful turn of event. I never thought it would happen again after one had supposedly taught the other a lesson. But alas, the other chose to learn it too himself. My mind is in pain looking for answers why. My heart bleeds for the wiser choices not considered.

I surrender. I wish this was all just a nightmare.

What is the chance in heaven that you'd find your way to me?

" True love is like the sun and moon; they hardly meet but one day they will eclipse. "

Chapter 6: The PROMISE

It had been a long journey for them both. A long wait for that special day when they finally said "Yes."

When they finally said "I do."

... to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do them part.

reality sucks.

It is ironic how your greatest source of strength, could also be your greatest source of weakness.

no plan B this time around.

Don't you ever think that I am enjoying this. Every inch of me is filled with guilt and sadness for not being able to help out, although in some seemingly troublesome ways I could. But you must learn your lesson. No matter how hard it is for me. It is either now or never at all.

It is time you grow up. To take responsibility of the results of your own doing. This is not a punishment, but rather a wake-up call to that promising soul in long slumber.

One day you shall understand all of these. I just hope that one day would not be too late.

You could do better.

‎... if only I could wave a magic wand and everything will be alright.

This is officially my first post since I migrated in Europe. Normally, I would have wanted to share how life is so far in this side of the world. But I couldn't bear in my scruples to publish how great it has been for me since I flew in barely a month ago, knowing that every corner of my mind worries for my folks back at home.

My mom is again in the hospital. I couldn't count any more the number of times she has had her attack. For most people of similar condition, what she had been through would emphatically mean the end of their lives. But my mom has proven time and again what a strong woman she is. She is a fighter. But she can only do so much. For how long? All is in His hands.

I feel so helpless and useless. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her one day. I worry not only for her but also for my father who is working away from home. I worry for my siblings and their future. How I wish this is only a nightmare that I can wake up from the next morning. Sometimes I would question why things like this have to happen to my family. There are millions of worse people in the world - criminals, thieves, cons, etc. But why us? What did we do wrong? I really do not understand.

Don't we deserve to be happy and just stop worrying?

I told you so.

Oh, please. Don't make me say it, or I just might would. Without batting an eyelash. And I could go on for minutes.
Don't even act like I am the villain here. For the record, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Love, love, love!

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" The rose speaks of love silently, in a language known only to the heart. "

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I have always loved Valentine's day. Though most people think it's kinda overrated, I have remained a believer that it is simply the day when being mushy or cheesy and all that stuff is excusable.

So to the Man who has shown me the definition of love, in its simplest and grandest form... THANK YOU. You have made me feel like a teener once again, all blushing and giddy. ;) Ich liebe dich. Für immer. :*

This little girl I know

She lies on this side of the bed on this cold lonely night. With her feather pillow as the only witness to her tears. Morbid thoughts flood her suspecting and befuddled mind. How could this happen to us? Have I changed? Have you? We are so good together you know. You and me - we're the perfect two. She gave up everything, the only thing she ever had, to start a life with you. With no back-up plan, with nothing to go back to. Only to be with you. She's swallowed her pride. She's ignored disdainful eyes. Because she loves you. She truthfully and wholeheartedly loves you. But everytime you have these fights she starts asking herself - has she made the right decision? Is this the kind of relationship that she can handle in the next 10, 20 years? She often would curse herself for being so trustful of you, of your promises. Maybe she just loves you too much. Too much that she has left nothing for herself.
She's scared. If it ever ends, she will be shattered to pieces. Where will she go? How can she start all over again? How can she move on and face the world with her head over her shoulders? She's scared that one day she might give up without knowing what forever is like with you.

You have no idea what it is to be her. No idea.

POST SCRIPT:
She's glad you've talked. It's odd how she could be so furious at you for one minute and yet then when you make-up, she completely and instantly forget all the hurt. All the doubts. All the fears. That's how weak she is when it comes to you. It's just so adorable seeing you sometimes discreetly waving the white flag in some ways only you can pull off. She is at no words but to smile meekly and open her arms to you as she closes her eyes thinking, "This is my man. Mine. And always will be". At the end of it all, the only thing that really matters is love. Just love. 
How sweet it is to be loved by you.

lady in waiting

Have been reading the news lately. Holiday rush. Equals holiday misery. Even so, I hoped for luck today, but alas, the weather still didn't cooperate.

So I have to wait one more day. Arrgh... The agony of waiting! :(

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It had been a long journey...

Several storms had been weathered...

Anxious minds had been endured...

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“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

- 1 Corinthians 13

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... And it has once again triumphed.

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The Story of Her Life

" And the least she expected it, without her knowing so - the universe conspired to make it happen. Just like how the events fell into place the day she got her first bicycle... "

Chapter 5: The BICYCLE

She was in fourth grade. Her family just moved into the city. New neighborhood. New home. New school. New friends. It was far different from the kind of life that she knew back then. Town girl to city girl. There was just too much things to do. And she, young and curious, simply wanted to try it all.

One skill she always wanted to learn was riding a bicycle. It was a fad back then. And if you can ride around the neighborhood with only one hand holding the steering or none at all, you'd be the most popular kid on the block. She made it her goal. She will learn biking in no time.

So she begged her Mom to buy her a new bicycle. But to no avail. Her Father wouldn't allow it either. They said it was just too risky. So with no money to buy her own, she borrowed that of her neighbor's. Every afternoon after school, she and her friends would rush to change on their playing clothes to start their game. They agreed to take turns on hopping around the bike and make circles around the playground. When her turn came, it was like heaven has opened and angels started singing. "This is it..", she thought to herself, "I'll finally be able to ride a bike." However, it wasn't as easy as she expected it to be. She didn't learn it in a day. Numerous bruises and cuts had to be earned. Several bushes had to be ran over with. Countless tears of frustration had to be shed. But none of that stopped her. And in time, she did learn biking.

It was a good day at school. For the first time, class has ended early. As always, she was excited to go home and play with her friends. While waiting for a ride home, she saw some kids laughing around with their bicycles in the campus. She was green with envy. It was agonizing for the young girl to watch those kids as they happily crossed her, one after the other, from where she stood. She had never stopped wishing on having her own bicycle, considering how good she was with it already. But little did she knew that right at that very moment a new, shiny bicycle was waiting for her outside their house. You see, her Mom had been watching her all those time that she was learning. She saw her fall several times, but she saw her getting back up with optimism all the time. Now that she was ready, her Mom and Dad decided to buy her one. That was the happiest day of her life, and the longest hours that she was ever on a bicycle.

Some years later, she learned a lesson from that experience. Like that bicycle, she prayed for a man to come into her life. A man who will sweep her off her feet. But just like how her parents refused to buy her a bicycle the first time, that certain man didn't arrive so soon. She still was not ready. She had yet to learn what life is all about. She had yet to experience pain, rejection, regret, disappointment. She had yet to understand patience, hope, responsibility, contentment. She had yet to enjoy the ride, take the fall, and get up on her feet again. She had yet to realize that everything has its own time. Only then she was ready. Only then she was capable of loving. And the least she expected it, without her knowing so - the universe conspired to make it happen. Just like how the events fell into place the day she got her first bicycle...

She met him.

(to be cont'd: The Story of His Life... soon.)

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Answered prayer.

The long wait is over.

Finally, things are starting to fall into place.

I couldn't be any more happier.

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Change

It's funny how you're seemingly looking at recent photos of friends and acquaintances, and yet all you see at the back of your mind are images of the last time you saw them - like those memories of your last silly games; memories of your heart-to-heart talks; not to mention the infantile and petty fights; or your innocent, idealistic childhood promises and dreams.

Years have passed since I lost touch with them. I wonder what they could have been through all those time. Networking sites have sprouted like seeds, trying to bridge those years of silence. And yet why do I feel that even thru one easy click of a button, it doesn't really re-connect us to one another? So near, yet so far.

I wonder if the next time I bump into them, all will still be like it was before. How do they call it? "Making up for lost time"? Will we still share the same crazy jokes? Will we still be finishing each other's sentences? Most importantly, will they ever remember our bond that we swore to keep one fine day, in the middle of peanuts and soda; until we get old and grey?

Simply put - with or without me, people have grown up. Each has moved on with their life. It just saddens me that I was not there to witness the journey of what they have become now. I keep asking myself, what went wrong along the way that we lost each other? Their world doesn't revolve around me. That I know. But how I wish I could keep them just the way they were before. You know... same silly games, heart-to-heart talks, reminiscing childhood memories and dreams, and making new ones.

I have not changed. I hope somewhere, somehow they will know that.

Maybe I'm just starting to feel my age.

Maybe it's just me.

Maybe not.

I just learned from my folks back at home that our puppy, Baltimore, for some unknown reason had died today. I am in deep sorrow and extreme anger.

Rest in peace, my sweet Baltimore. Though my time with you had been short, you had given me so much joy and love. I am with no choice but to believe that you have served your purpose. I shall let you go.

Ich bin Goethe geprüft!

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I know, I know. I've been quite busy again in the past months that I just haven't had the time to update my blog. This time though, it wasn't mainly work that has been keeping me occupied. As you may not know but may be apparent in my previous two entries, I had been taking a German Language course. I had been mum about this since at the end of the course, I had to take a major exam to test if I can read, write, comprehend, and speak the German language on an elementary level. This certificate will serve useful later on. So I didn't want to jinx my luck (I was born on a Friday the 13th and I sometimes think misfortune follows me around then). This August was a Friday the 13th and my exam was a day after my birthday. But Lady Luck was on my side because I passed the exam.. and with flying colors! Hehe! Yey! Just received the results last weekend and I topped it (two of us actually). I got a rating of 95%! Ain't that a treat? And I got a free shirt too from the Institut. They only give it to students who get above average results, mind you. ;-)

So how does it feel like to learn a foreign language? I would say it was AMAZING. It wasn't actually my idea to take the course and I was quite hesitant at first coz I had to work too and all at the same time. But the thrill of being a student again and the "First Day High" overwhelmed me the moment I stepped inside our school. So I was always excited to go to my class then. As days went by, I have learned to appreciate the Deutsch language. As I understood more rules in every session, I have noticed how structured their language is, and given more time/experience to enrich one's vocabulary, it's actually fun to play around with the language! Our teachers (German/Austrian natives and Filipinos trained in Germany) are really good too, which added to my enthusiasm. Plus, least of my expectations was to gain wonderful friends throughout the course. I and my classmates started out as total strangers but ended up as true friends and sisters. Because of them too, every class was a delight to me. Now that our A1 course is finished, each of them shall go on with their respective journeys in life. Some are already preparing to leave the country, while others wait on where fate will take them. I will surely miss those gals. But we promised to always keep in touch. There’s always Facebook. And who knows we might all see each other again in Deutschland. Hehe! As for me, I had been planning since then of continuing to study German some time in the next months or early next year. I have learned to love the language and guess what, I was double lucky because during one of our Gedichteabends few weeks ago, I won in our raffle for a 50% scholarship for the A2 Level course. This was really a good blessing! Don't ya think? I never expected I will enjoy this language learning thing this much, but it's what's been keeping me up my feet lately.

Of course, I can never end this blog without thanking mein Mann for being ever supportive all these time. Es war alles seine Idee. In fact, he was too confident that I will do well in the exams. And boy, did it add to the pressure! Hehe. Aber jetzt weiß ich daß, er sehr stolz auf mich ist. I proved him right.
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Nähe des Geliebten

Ich denke Dein, wenn mir der Sonne Schimmer
Vom Meere strahlt;
Ich denke dein, wenn sich des Mondes Flimmer
In Quellen malt.

Ich sehe dich, wenn auf dem fernen Wege
Der Staub sich hebt;
In tiefer Nacht, wenn auf dem schmalen Stege
Der Wandrer bebt.

Ich höre dich, wenn dort mit dumpfem Rauschen
Die Welle steigt.
Im stillen Haine geh ich oft zu lauschen,
Wenn alles schweigt.

Ich bin bei dir, du seist auch noch so ferne,
Du bist mir nah!
Die Sonne sinkt, bald leuchten mir die Sterne.
O wärst du da!


- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

** TRIVIA: Goethe was a famous German writer and polymath. He is considered as one of the most influential Deutsch writers and one of the most significant thinkers in Western culture.

"Ich Brauche Dich"

Meine Augen hab ich zu
und ich denk an dich in meinem Herzen
die Zeit steht still ich denk an dich mein Schatz
ich vermisse dich und ich will jetzt bei dir sein
sag mir nur einen Grund warum ist es so schwer
ohne dich hat mein Leben kein sinn mehr
ich liebe dich komm zurück zu mir
ich brauche dich bleib bitte hier bei mir
ich will nur dich und keinen anderen Sonst
ich brauche dich, so sehr

wieso musste es nur soweit kommen
Tag und nächte ohne dich sind eine Qual
ich denk an dich kann nicht mehr schlafen
es tut so weh mein Schatz
bitte komm zurück zu mir
sag mir nur einen Grund warum ist es so schwer
ohne dich hat das leben kein sinn mehr
ich liebe dich komm zurück zu mir
ich brauche dich bleib bitte hier bei mir
ich will nur dich und keinen anderen Sonst
ich brauche dich

du weißt nicht wie es ist am boden zu sein
ich träume von dir und ich bitte dich lass mich nicht allein
ich liebe ich kom zurück zu mir
ich brauche dich bleib bitte hier bei mir
ich will nur dich und keinen anderen Sonst
ich brauche dich, so sehr...

-- Kyra's German interpretation of "My Immortal".

I love this version to death. It's so much better than the original.

on politics

We need change. Major. It can't always be like this. It doesn't always have to be like this. Why can't politics just for once clean up its image? Why do campaigns need to turn into brawlings instead of laying out platforms? Why do ads need to present discreet black propaganda or whistle blows against opponents? Why is there a need of soliciting pity from the public?

It is just mere strategy? Or Desperation? Hidden agenda? Greed, perhaps? Is that all that you're good at?

We've heard promises time and again. If such promises were ever true, why is our country still suffering? Why are we still in debt? Why are there never ending qualms against the government? Ever heard of corruption before? Poverty that you have promised to alleviate for years, is everywhere! Not to mention, turning a deaf ear has seemed to become a mastery of this field.

Campaigns do not end after you are elected in office. This country deserves more. We do not ask for this. Rather we compel you to give what is due to the people who will be putting you on your seat come this May elections. I say this not for my own gain. I do not fear for myself. But I fear for my future children, and the children of my children, and for the rest of my kin. They deserve a better Philippines.

My vote is sacred. My vote does not depend on the best jingles. Neither on the smartest nor on the poorest. None of that matters. None of that can save my country. Our country. For all we know, any monkey would gladly perform antics to have that banana. It would take more than those stupid dances you oblige to do on stage. It would take more than those off-tune notes you cry infront of your so-called supporters. It would take more than convincing. We need actions. Not fast mouths nor feeble minds.

For now, you are all but the same clowns in different parties. Same old tricks. Same old shows as the curtains go down.

My question is not what you can do for me. But rather, what can you do to change this rotten system of governance for the better? Then you can have my vote.

Do you believe in miracles?

Impregnable. That is how I would describe her.

It's been almost four years since that distressing event. Yet she remains standing. Figuratively. Four years of enduring the pain that only she can fight. Strong. She has always been.

I remember that night when I spoke to her over the phone. She wished for me to go home one weekend and spend it with them. I passed up because my work compelled me. Little did I know that would be the last time I would hear her over the phone. Little did I know that would be the last time she would ask me to come home. Little did I know that would be the last time I would see her dancing. Laughing. Salubrious. Normal.

I hated myself till then. I felt it was my responsibility. I was not there when it happened. Had I been, things would have been different. I could have stopped it from happening. It would not be like what it is now. She would still have been in the best of health. But I came too late.

Oh, what I would give just to hear her talking again.
What I would surrender just to see her walking again.

Now all she can do is muster a soft giggle or a murmur. Cannot even stand nor eat on her own. People say she is in the fittest form that she can be now.

But I believe in miracles. Her present state, after all that she has been through, is in fact already a miracle on its own. But one glorious day, I know I will see her walking entirely again. One divine day, I know I will hear her calling my name again.

Mama, do not stop fighting. Keep the faith. A healing miracle is on the way.


Do you believe in miracles?

Love is all around.

What better way to start the day of hearts than waking up seeing a dozen of fresh red roses right over your bed?

Ah..! I'm inlove. And always will be.

My favorite things

Christmas, like for most people, has always been my favorite time of the year. Aside from the fact that it equates to long holidays, cooler weather, bonuses, sale, gifts, reunions, parties and such- there's just this certain feeling in the air during this season. People and places seem jollier. Maybe it is the colorful series lights adorned in every house. Maybe it's the songs and carols played all over the radio and malls. Maybe it's the excitement of wanting to know who your manito/manita is and what you will be getting this year. Or maybe it's the undying curiosity whether Santa is real or not. For whatever reason it may be, Christmas is always best spent with our love ones.

The good thing about Christmas here in the Philippines is that people never seem to grow out of it. As early as September, you will start seeing Christmas trees and belens being displayed in houses already. And mind you, those decors stay there till the celebration of Three Kings Day. Christmas here is not about being rich or poor. People would go through lengths only to have a hearty noche buena come Christmas eve. Carolers, young and old, would serenade you of their merriest carols. Everyday, when possible- till you have pulled out the last coin from your pocket. Hehe! Christmas here is about hide-and-seek. That means ninongs and ninangs hiding from their godchildren. Hehe! But then there's the Misa de Gallo or Simbang Gabi, a 9-day dawn mass that starts on December 16, which when one has completed, is believed to grant one's wish. And who would ever forget the yearly Kris Kringle? The time when you add another item to your picture frame collection. ;-) Ah yes! Iba talaga ang Pasko sa Pinas.

When I think of Christmas, I am always reminded of the famous song "My Favorite Things", an OST of an old favorite movie - Sound of Music. I guess it's because of the wintertime imagery of some of the lyrics. Or better yet, maybe because I am just giving out ideas to my friends (This was really the whole point of this blog entry *winks*) on the gifts I would be most happy to receive other than the old-accustomed picture frame. Hehe!



via videosift.com


These are a few of my favorite things:

I love earrings. My outfit will never be complete without a pair of it. I love them dangling, sparkling, studded.
I love shoes. From flats, to high heels, to slip ons.
I love clothes. Everything in fashion and slimming.
I love perfumes. A good smell turns me on.
I love dogs. Shih tzu, pug, cocker spaniel, labrador are the breeds I would wish to have.
I love sweets. Cakes, ice creams, chocolates, mallows, name it!
I love flowers. Who doesn't? :)
I love stuffed toys. Those big, soft, furry, cuddly ones.
I love taking pictures. They serve useful when we get old and grey.
I love music.


And let me just add, in the spirit of Christmas and giving...

I love my family. And I would go through heights and hell to protect them.

Above all, I love mein Mann. He's just the sweetest thing. Thank you, my fiancé, for making this Christmas yet again the best ever. *Mwah*




As early as now, let me greet you all a Joyous Christmas and a Bountiful New Year ahead!

can't we just skip it?

I hate this part right here. Really.

i'm moving

Just an early information for my handful of friends who may be following this blog:

I won't be ms.teacup for long now. I have realized that the nom de plume would not be suitable come the day when I will be entering a new chapter in my life. So I shall be moving this page soon. Well, sooner.

Same blog. Same stuff.

Only a different pseudonym.

And a different home.

In 2010.

hera.

foodforthegoddess.blogspot.com

See you there!